OUT of the DARKNESS

With the 3 year mark of my father’s passing coming up in September, I thought I should write about it, it’s personal, however it helps me to get my thoughts out of my head and into the world. Plus, his passing is something that is more common than one may think. The words you read may give you or someone some help that has dealt with this like I have.

The subject tends to be a very touchy one, and no one seems to ever want to talk about it, until it happens, and by than it’s too late for the one that is gone. The thing is it happens a lot more, and for what reasons no one really knows, except the person who is gone.

I’m hoping that my words help shine a light into people’s life and help them come “Out of the Darkness”. In case you don’t know Out of the Darkness is a movement trying to raise awareness for suicide prevention.

Something I never heard of until three year’s ago, and it was one of the best things that I could’ve found out about at that time.

Here’s my view and thoughts about suicide, hoping it can give someone some help if they ever have to deal with it. I base everything off of what I went through and how I dealt with it when I lost my father.

When you lose a loved one to suicide, there’s a whole bunch of thoughts and emotions that will most likely run through your head.

Chances are there’s going to be some anger, anger that is perfectly normal I’d say when this happens. You may be angry at the loved one you lost, or angry at yourself.

My anger that I felt wasn’t directed at my father but rather at the loved one’s around me who seemed to be angry at him for doing what he did.

The anger towards him was due to the fact that one, they didn’t want to lose someone like that, and second no one stopped and thought about it, and my father, and who he was as a person.

There will most likely be that sense of guilt that guilt you feel thinking that you could’ve done something to prevent it, when in reality, if someone truly wants to end their own life they will accomplish just that.

Plus, you cant prevent someone from doing it if your not aware of the signs. To be aware you would have to do some research, but most people aren’t going to type in “signs of a suicidal person” into a search engine online. It’s something that you never think will happen to you.

Confusion will run through you, most likely as well. Confused about where to go to talk to someone, which is why the “Out of the Darkness” is such a great thing out there in the world.

Along with that confusion, I felt alone like there was nobody to relate to about this topic, but that wasn’t the case at all because the amount of people that end their own lives is nothing compared to the amount of people who are left trying to make sense of it all.

Than there’s that question of “WHY?”

Why did this happen?

That’s a question that will most likely never be answered and the sooner you can accept that the better off you will be, may sound mean but its the truth and it does take sometime.

Basically when I got the news, this is what I felt.

Felt the anger towards other’s that were angry at him. I had this feeling of being lost and alone because I didn’t think there was anybody I could relate too, and there was, those people happened to be complete strangers, best people to talk to by the way.

I was sad but happy, not happy that he was gone, happy in the sense that I knew he was finally at peace for the first time.

The surprise to me wasn’t that it had happened, rather that it hadn’t happened sooner. I say that because I did a quick mental timeline of my fathers history, being that he dealt with depression, it all somewhat made sense, at least make sense to an extent.

Some would say that he was selfish, but I never once thought that, because the way I see it wasn’t I a little selfish all those years my father and I didn’t really speak that much? Not that we didn’t get along we just didn’t speak, we were two lost souls trying to find our way and I don’t know if he ever did, I know I’m on the right path because of him. My final words on this topic are this:

“If you know someone who you think may harm themselves leave them alone but don’t leave them.”

Meaning don’t talk to them about their problems try talking about some of your problems, maybe they will open up and not feel as down about their problems. Maybe they will find hope in overcoming some issues they may have. My father knew he had issues the last thing he needed was someone to sit there and tell him he had issues.

Remember someone who wants to end their life is going to, and there really isn’t much that you can do about it, unless you are aware of the signs, but what are you going to do sit there and watch them 24 hours day 7 days a week?

It’s hard to say whether or not you can prevent it or not, suicide is really confusion no matter how you look at it.
As time goes on I hope the suicide rates drop or end completely, because no one should feel like they have to take their own life.

I love you dad, you always knew what was best for me, your youngest, much love and respect for you brother.

I’ll see you later-Just-

When you lose a loved one you never really get over it, you just learn to live without them, and that’s what I’ve done since losing my father. Rest In Peace

 

 

 

 

Story of Songs

S.O.S

 

In these “Perfect Blue Buildings”, sitting here talking to “Mr.Jones”, whose trying to shove “Lithium” down my throat as if it were “Pennyroyal Tea.”

Got me feeling like a “Creep”, hopefully I’m rescued by the “Karma Police”, but it will make me look like a “Freak On a Leash.”

They all think I’m “Dumb”, but all I need is a “Soul to Squeeze.” And maybe it will bring me to the “Otherside”, where I’ll be able to see “Polly”,but their seems to be “Something In the Way.”

“It’ll be a Long Time”, until my “Self Esteem” come’s back because “The Kid’s Aren’t Alright.”

At this point everything seems so damn “Blurry” especially since we have to talk “Through The Glass.” It tends to make me “Feel So Numb.” All the pain subsides when I know “You Know You’re Right.”

Can’t wait until your “By My Side”, until than I’ll be right there with a “Smoking Gun”, let that be a “Warning” to those with “All Eyes On Me” because I’ve got “My Mind Made Up.”

Finally reaching “The Point of No Return” where an “Aneurysm” is about to occur, all because the system is about to “Rape Me”

It’s time for everyone to “Get Ready” and realize we’ve only got one life to live, and up to this point it’s been nothing short of a “Beautiful Disaster.”

Come one, come all, “Come as You Are”, so we can all take a swim in the “Lake of Fire.”

Don’t be afraid because “They Don’t Care About Us” which come’s as no surprise because no one seems to know “The Man Who Sold the World” anymore.

Most seem to obey the “Master of Puppets” instead of doing what they truly want to do.

Now go ahead and swallow some “Purple Pills” while sitting there watching “Three Little Birds”, because “It’s Been Awhile.” It will not make you a “Criminal” you may just become an “American Psycho.”

No need for fear  we all will be “Jamming” together while getting f*****g weird, because we as human’s are nothing but animals, so give us our “Animal Rights”, and allow us all to “Come Together.” And please “Give My Regards” to “Eleanor Rigby” as well as the “Living Dead Girl”, because were going “To fight for our Right to Party”, even if its with “Three Emcees and one Dj.”

No matter what happens I’ll always “Hold You Down” because “Nothing Else Matters.”

They say their sending me out to “Omaha” because supposedly I’m “Addicted” and I need “Help”, because “What I Got” has always been acquired the “Wrong Way”, with “All Apologies” to “Ms.Jackson.” At least I’m not the one dropping “Bomb’s Over Baghdad” killing a bunch of “Obnoxious” people. Instead they should be dropping them down on an “American Girl.” Chances are that would most likely cause us to have a psychotic “Breakdown.”

If that happens all you should do is “Start From Scratch” and realize there’s no more “Running” from your “Dreams.”

The way of the world has become “Unbelievable”, many of us running around with “Suicidal Thought’s”, just ask my best friend “Jeremy.”

If you ask him “Who Shot Ya”, he’d say himself only if he could reply, now you can find him “Under The Bridge” in upstate New York, just going in and out with “The Tide.” His life was always like a game of chess, in a constant “Checkmate.”

When I walk “All Along the Watchtower”, I try and give him “All of My Love”, but I only have a few moments left because ” I Hear My Train A Coming.”

The conductor happens to be a “Friend of Mine” and it’s going to be “XXXplosive.” Once we have reached the “Buffalo Soldier” we will sit back relax, and “Smoke Two Joints”, while drinking some “Gin and Juice”, while we plant our “Seed.”

After sometime we will be taking “Hits from the the Bong” it’s all apart of this “Glamour Life”, that is usually not so glamorous and it’s all the “Same in the End”, most just end up in a “Crack House” if you don’t know “What it’s Like”, don’t worry we all just “Gotta Get Away” from ourselves.

This “Manic Depression” has got me feeling “Higher” than ever before. I try to “Imagine” a world where a mother doesn’t decide that it’s more important to stick a heroin filled needle in arm, instead of sticking a bottle in her child’s mouth. You must know theirs a million other way’s to “Express Yourself.”

I suggest you start “Learning to Fly”, straight into the depth’s of hell, just make sure you have replaced your head with a cross covered in “One Blood” cell that’s (House In Virginia) infested, because I’m pretty sure your thinking I’m “Losing My Religion.”

Yes, if you must know that was “About A Girl”, now that she’s go”,ne I’m up on a “Plateau”, being tracked “Everywhere I Go.”

Please “Don’t Cry”, until you’ve had a blast of this “Nitro Energy.” For myself it makes me become “My Own Worst Enemy.” Never once made it to “School” on time, I was too busy fighting all the “Zombies”, afterwards I eventually made it to school high.

Always listening to the teachers before I became “The Man in the Box”, never wanted to be the “Monkey Wrench” that would be talked about when I wasn’t around. Please don’t watch me “Til I Collapse” for  I may “Relapse” and end up with nothing but this “Heart-Shaped Box” filled with nothing but “Sex, Love, and Money.” And that’s all great but I become “Numb” and “My Friends” never “Let Me Ride.” Which is fine with me because every single one of them is a “Negative Creep”, when I’m not stoned, and it’s quite simple all we have to do is “Breathe” and have the “Time of your Life.”

Once we come down we all “Float On”, because the “Chemicals Between Us”, are “All Mixed Up”, since there’s “No Rest for the Wicked.”

All I want to do is hop on “My Zephyr” and try to “Save the Population”, only it has to wait because “Annie Want’s A Baby.” Sadly though she’s been touched by “Many Men” and has come down with the “Sickness”, and spends her days screaming “I need A Doctor.” Unfortunately for her he’s in no hurry so please go to “Sleep Now in the Fire.” The only way to escape is to grab your “Little Wing” and make your way to the “Castle’s Made of Sand.” On your way make sure you stop and talk to the “Joker” he’s sitting with the “Band on the Run.”

It’s highly recommended because “This is the Place” where I’ve been “Dosed”, while waiting for “The Next Episode” but I’m about to “Throw Away Your Television.” Remember “Back in the Day” in the “1979” back before you had “Little Sister”, when we always had “One More Chance” where we could run through “Strawberry Fields”, to escape the “Rambling Man” who always tried to “Hypnotize” us. With only “One Minute” to spare before our lives became “Cumbersome.”

“By the Way” did I mention “I’m Shady”, if you don’t like it just remember it’s “Nothing but Music.” Plus, I love “The Way I am” and no amount of “Purple Haze” can make me feel any different. So let’s head down to the “Jailhouse” to set them free along the way we could gram some “Scarlet Begonias” that grow in “The Middle” of “Shakedown Street.” At this point of the trip there will be “No sleep til Brooklyn.”

Lets just “Make the Music” until we reach this “Parallel Universe.” Maybe we’ll be able to find the “Mississippi Queen” and if we have to wait we’ll scream “F**k the Police”, because “I Shot the Sheriff.”

It’s okay for you to “Cry Now”, just understand “Breaking Old Habits” is a lot harder than one might think, especially when you love to do what, your told not to do.

You have a choice you can sit there “As the World Turns” or you can “Get Up, Stand Up”, before the “Gravedigger” come’s and takes it all away. So your best bet is to just “Give it Away.” Now the time has come where we “Serve the Servants” it’s only “3am” and they deserve it. The fields are now “In Bloom” so let’s hurry because I feel as though “Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle.”

It’s almost as if we have become “Too Close”, it does make me feel “Alive” but there is absolutely “No Love”, don’t get me wrong I’d love to “Cross that Line” but it usually leads to “Breaking the Girl”, where I end up telling her to “Suck My Kiss.” Instead of ask “Where the Cash at” ask “Where is the Love”, I don’t mind looking I only have to make it through this “Crosstown Traffic”, pass the “Pawnshop”, where “My hero” and I will get out of “The City”, a city where they won’t hesitate to “Kick in the Door” with the AR-15, while I’m starting to “Shine.” I only hope you can “Still Feel Me” when standing next to the “Fire.”

“Times Up” for me, living “Round Here” “In these Streets” has taught me that it always “Smells like Teen Spirit”, while laying next to her, when I’m not  I ask “Where Did You Sleep Last Night.”

Now my “Radio Friendly Unit Shifter” has become “Some kind of Monster” and is “Killing me Softly with his Song” it has me wondering “If I was President”, would I still be “High All The Time.”

“Hate it or Love it”, but yes, because I would be under “Too Much” pressure. That cold make anyone “Go Crazy”, trying to be politically correct, we all have that “Animal Instinct”, and that’s ok, because  when I look at the “Man in the Mirror”, I realize it’s “All I have in this World.”

So again I wonder “If I was President”, would I become “Americas Nightmare”, No because “Behind Blue Eyes” we are “Americas Nightmare”, already where most “Got it Twisted” and everyone’s “Outta Control.” I’m about “One Step Closer” to packing up and heading down south “Just to Get High”, along the way we may “Meet Virginia”, even if we have to go out into the darkness with “One Headlight”, don’t worry “Help is on the Way.”

If for some reason the help does not arrive it’s ok because “Fight Like a Brave”, when “Shit hits the Fan” and that’s inevitable because “Time and Time Again” we find ourselves caught up in this “Game of Love”, where we just get the “Run Around” and end up falling “All Over You” while turning a blind eye to the fact we have all become “Dazed and Confused”, with the “Sunshine” that you’re smile projects onto the world, lighting up even some of the darkest times while I’m “Crawling in the Dark.” The whole time looking at me like “I am Not a Human Being.”

You seem to be stuck in your “Evil Ways”, and all I want is to “Come Out and Play”, with you and “Scream” while I “Crack A Bottle” over you’re head.

Than I stop and think  is this all “Just A Memory”, a memory that could be erased with a little bit of “Pussy Liquor.” And still I rise so “Let’s Go Get Stoned”, and take it “One day at a Time”, that seems like the only logical way to live, forget about time, just “Don’t Forget Me”, make time for yourself and what you hold near and dear to you.

“Don’t Get Carried Away” with all the nonsense that goes on around you just “Spark Another Owl” and become the “Blunt Blowing” monster while your on your “California Vacation.”

Out there I feel like a complete “Loser”, I just want to be in “Beverly Hills” amongst all the “Beautiful People”, but I guess you can’t always get “Everything You Want”, than I end up feeling “Dead and Bloated.”

The “Hook” always gets you fighting, hoping that you don’t get caught up in the “Spider Webs” in the middle of a “Quiet Storm.” If that’s the case it looks like “I’m Supposed to Die Tonight” all I have to do to avoid that is “Disarm” him, and hope that the “Lighting Crashes” into the ground opening up a black hole with the “Stairway to Heaven”, that has been promised, I think I’d rather “Stay Away.” You can join if you’d like I’m headed to “Higher Ground”, going to hide “Behind the Sun.”

Can’t you see “How far we’ve come.” We’ve been “Selling the Drama”, so now “I want to Hold Your Hand”, because “All I need is Your Love.”

“Once I had a Woman”, with a “Bleeding Heart” who lived in a “Red House”, after awhile of eating “Mexican Seafood” every night she got tired so she up and left. Plus she heard a rumor about me kissing “Molly’s Lips”, however she never knew which one’s I was kissing.

Now I’ve learned that I “Cant Repeat”, and “All I Want” is you “Want You Bad”. Every time I try and say something it’s as if I have “Tourette’s” and I need to learn how to “Take it Easy”, or else there will be a “Price to Pay” according to my “Brother John”, whose looking to expose “My Dirty Little Secret”, which happens to be you, and I won’t let anyone “Testify” against you because “Catholic School Girls Rule.”

With that said, I think it’s time we escape this world like we did on “April 26th,1992″, when we had no single care in the world, and we didn’t have this thing called “Tainted Love.”

In this world full of hypocritical bullshit there’s not much to  do besides “Lose Yourself” in the moment of what, is wrong because it feels so damn good, and who doesn’t want to feel good? With you feet in the “Wet Sand” “Down in a Hole”, it’s becoming very “Hard to Concentrate”, on why these “Scar’s” even exist to begin with.

All I know, never let anyone get the “Best Of You”, it end’s up becoming a “Tearjerker”, just like the time you fell in love with “Runaround Sue”, that’s when you noticed “Two footprints in the Sand.”

However they didn’t belong to who you think they belonged to. “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”, whose singing along to the beat “While my Guitar Gently Weeps.”

I can take you “Around the World” it’s up to you, it’s “Your Decision.”

I’ll just sit here “Like a Stone” trying to figure out why everything has gone “Black”, there’s really no point in “Saving Me”, I’m sick of the “Real World.”

Let’s just go get “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” in the middle of the night, than disappear, “Into the Night”, there’s an “Open Invitation” for you “Somewhere in Heaven” so “Hold On”, it’s not going to be a “Smooth” ride, than again most things that are fun, consists of up and down’s, especially life itself.

“Everybody’s Everything”, if we all just tried a little harder to “Make Somebody Happy”, than we could possibly know what real peace is in this world, with all the people and an “Opinion” for each one of them, it’s likely never going to happen.

We’re here but “She’s Not There”, so just take “The Good, the bad, and the Ugly” for what it is, take a “Dive”. “If you Want Me to Stay” here down on “Sullivan Street”, but it’s “Raining In Baltimore” and that scares me more than the “Ghost Train” that’s headed straight towards me, while I’m working on the “Chain Gang.”

I was told to “Never Let You Go”, I think it’s time for you to “Pinch Me”, so don’t fight the feeling just “Go with the Flow.”

“For what it’s Worth” I love being “Stuck in the Middle with You” I just wanted to let you know that before this “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” hits me while standing outside of “Feel Good Inc.”, which I find ironic that the word bullet and feel good are in the same sentence, but f**k it, never said I was normal. I’m f*****g weird, and I know it, wouldn’t have it any other way, so I’ll spend “My Next Thirty Year’s” trying to be normal for you society……yea right, I couldn’t be normal for the few seconds it took me to “Write this Down”, if you actually believed that you must be crazier than me.

“Believe” that there is an “In Human Creation Station” producing robot people, but all I want is you “Right Here in My Arms.”

Never mind that “Razorblade Kiss” that has been pushed up on you. “Push It” out of your mind, because you look “Wonderful Tonight” and always do, now “Lay Down Sally” in the “White Room”, where the walls will be covered in sweat from you being up against the walls, in no way should that statement be taken as a violent image, but an image of what I want to do to you every night, so there’s that constant smell of “Sex and Candy”, just make sure we “Paint it Black” to keep from this “Mind Control” that goes on all around us, they don’t need “Someone To Love”, when they are the “Last of a Dying Breed” and feel nothing while riding with “Paramedics”, who even know that “911 Is a Joke”, no matter where you go.

With that said I think that is “Over Now” because that last track title could be looked at completely out of context and I don’t want anyone to get offended.

 

That was my story of song’s, if it didn’t make sense, or at time’s was completely random, it was supposed to be.

At time’s it didn’t even make sense to me, as I was writing it. I wrote it not to steal anything from the artist who wrote all those song’s, but to show love and appreciation for the music they’ve put out for our enjoyment.

There’s not much else in this world that makes me feel good and takes away any negative feelings, like music does. I couldn’t even begin to imagine a world without music, I don’t think I’d want to ever live in that world. No matter where I go I feel as is I need music, while I’m reading, writing, or even sleeping.

The truth is for me is, I’d rather hear music, than any of the bullshit that spews out of the mouth’s of most people. For myself and millions of others music has gotten me through some tough time’s in life. Time’s where I’d just crank up the music and sit in my room, inside of my own, sometimes sick and twisted mind and just relax and forget about everything.

Most of this, if not all of it was off of the top of my head, I just thought of a song I like or have heard and tried to fit it into a story someway or the other.

It really wasn’t something I thought out at first but there are parts that tend to be pretty accurate with certain issues I’ve dealt with or someone I know has dealt with.

I hope at least someone out there could relate, or maybe it brought back memories from seeing the name’s of songs that you may not have heard of in awhile. While writing this it helped me rediscover some of those older songs that I find still to this day to be amazing, the one’s I heard as a kid growing up.

This could have kept going and going but however my creative juices slowly shut down, not only that but I feel it was ended at the perfect time.

So you can take this however you want to take it, if you find meaning in any part of it, awesome, if not that’s fine. Don’t take offense to any of it, it’s really not that serious.

In today’s music world it doesn’t seem like there is as much love and passion that goes into putting out great music as their used to be, its like most are just pushing a few buttons and calling themselves a DJ, not many spin vinyl anymore, speaking of vinyl that’s actually has been making a comeback as of recently which I find amazing.

I encourage anyone and everyone to put down the t.v. remote and turn the music all the way up, and listen to the music is saying, because it’s definetly saying something, you just have to listen closely.

Music is one of the most important things to me in my life, without it in my daily routine I don’t think I’d want to live, if I had to choose between music or television, I’d always pick music everyday.

Remember when the music hit’s you really do feel no pain.

“Throw down your umbilical noose, so I can climb right back”-KC

Peace, Love, and Happiness=success

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It seems like in this materialistic society that we live in today,  people aren’t as happy as they could be. Maybe it’s due to the stress of wanting to be successful or what we may think is consider success in the society that we live in, what one may consider success may be considered complete failure by another, but who is anybody to say whose successful and whose not?

A lot of people seem to base success on what they have, where they live, how much money they make, the type of car they drive, and what they do for a living.

In my opinion success shouldn’t be based off what you have or what you do, it should be based off the thing’s that aren’t obtained by going to a store and purchasing something to show that you’ve achieved success.

If one doesn’t have some sense of peace with themselves, have love to give and receive, and find something that brings happiness to them, no matter how big or small, than how can one truly be successful?

In other words if you can wake up and be grateful for waking up everyday, have a positive attitude towards life on a daily basis, and at least enjoy what you do to an extent than that to me is success.

As far as being happy that takes little steps, steps to find what makes you happy, the things you “want” to do, not the things you “need” to do, because for most doing what we need to do is usually something we don’t want to do, but it’s up to the individual to do something they enjoy even if it’s something little.

“Life’s a garden, dig it”

Simply meaning do what you need to do, get the job done, but never forget about what it is you truly want to do in life, that’s the way of a garden, doing the things that are needed for it to grow and as time goes on you learn new things. A garden takes time as does life, there’s just no time to waste, and try not to stress about time, usually you’ll end never having enough of it when you stress it.

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